What do most men spend the most time thinking about? What do they spend the most energy trying to achieve? What is the most important single outcome in their perceived happiness?
The answer to all three: Getting Laid.
Yet, despite this massive expenditure of focus and effort, it doesn’t seem to be going very well for increasingly larger portions of the male population. And certainly there seems to be more confusion than ever before on how to go about it.
In this article, I will argue, that a traditional approach to this problems can help, not only the problem of finding a reliable partner to have sex with, but a host of the most common life problems men face alongside it.
Simple yet difficult
In a traditional sense, attracting a good woman is extremely simple. But simple is not the same as easy – it is also difficult.
It entails actually doing the work of becoming a man.
No Master Seduction Strategies. No conversation techniques. No Tinder profile makeover or Dating workshop you can go to.
It has nothing to do with the childish games that teenagers play, looking for cheap thrills and instant gratification of pleasure which leads nowhere.
It entails growing up and becoming an adult. And looking for another adult to connect your life to.
What does that mean? Unfortunately, today many of us are confused about even such a basic and simple thing. To be honest, it took me about 30 years of my life (and a broken marriage) before I started understanding it. So let me spell it out: As a man, the traditional approach for “getting laid” looks like this:
- Figuring out what you stand for as a human being, what you are good at, and what you value.
- Find a community which is centered around the same values. Work hard to offer a positive contribution to that community.
- As you learn to offer a real contribution, you will automatically rise to the top of the male hierarchy.
- Take your time to get to know the women from the community who see the value of what you are doing and are thus attracted to you.
- Marry the one who is best equipped to strengthen your shared positive contributions in the long term (hint: it’s the one you fall the most desperately in love with).
Not all men have done this intentionally and consciously. But with some variation, it is likely the basic structure that has driven much of human society forward; through the channeling of sexual energy and creativity.
A Structure for Sexual Sublimation
By submitting yourself to this framework for sexuality, you are creating a fixed structure which will channel your sexual energy into contribution to the community.
I cannot overstate how powerful this is. You are taking sexuality, a powerful source of energy, the source of life itself, and connecting it to building supportive community, the most meaningful thing in human existence.
The values of the community you choose will mould and form your character. In order to truly contribute to the community, you will need to take on its values, to integrate them into your being and make them a part of yourself. If you have chosen a virtuous community, that will form you to be the kind of man who people want to follow, who inspires, and holds personal power, integrity and charisma.
As a man of stature and contribution, you no longer need to be prowling nightclubs and online forums, searching for possible hookups. Instead you are now in a position to select which woman you want to join your life with.
The women who are attracted to you might be attracted by your success and the status that you achieve. Perhaps even the money you have earnt. These are not insignificant. But the right kind of woman will also be attracted by what you are doing. You are the guide to the meaningful life she has been looking for. By joining with you, she has someone who can not only protect and provide for her, but also function as her guide.
Having been strengthened in your masculinity from your sense of mission and service to community, you will naturally also be attracted to a feminine woman who supports you in your masculine mission. That means she won’t need to constantly compete with you. Rather, with you taking care of the masculine side of things, (like being ready to offer your life for her), she will bring all her feminine juiciness, openness and desire to submit to you in mutual love and appreciation – as the natural interplay between the masculine and feminine.
It’s good that you became a valuable man worth marrying, but a good woman will take you to the next level. She won’t let you slide, but instead will test your character integrity, finding the weak spots and developing both of you to becoming fully human.
The traditional approach to getting laid isnt for everybody – indeed many would consider it radical these days. But if it does appeal to you, and you are willing to be inspired by “radical traditionalism”, then I also recommend to read JP Marceau’s post on this blog about The Symbolism of Natural Family Planning.
Don’t be a stiff!
To conclude, I want to deal with the fact that marriage can have a bad rap in some circles. I would say that much of that is unjustified. Married men have more sex than unmarried ones. They also live longer, get higher education and earn more. Actually they outperform their unmarried counterparts on pretty much every single life outcome.
The story of married life as a “prison” or the risk of becoming dull and grey? Sure it happens that married men fall into this trap – but again unmarried men stagnate or go into anxiety, depression and even suicide at higher rates.
So it is likely that marriage is not the culprit. In my experience, the real culprit is inauthenticity. Fake Nice Guy’ism. Or just being a sneaky and dishonest bastard with unmet sexual needs – pretending to be nice in order to get laid – from his wife or a girl at the bar.
So if this article inspires you, then great. In my perspective, that means that you are aligned with the basic premises in it and thus likely to align your life decisions with it.
Implementing what I have written here will take far longer than you are likely to remember the article. But please do not contribute to that boring statistic of unhappy married men who blame their wives or marriage.
At Maniphesto we are convinced that learning to integrate and master your sexuality is a vital key to this. That is why we have created the 40 Day Challenge. We combined the wisdom of science, and ancient tantric and orthodox traditions to support men in not ejaculating for 40 days – to discover how to channel their life energy towards a collaborative mindset instead of competitiveness.
Through a challenge like this, you can start the work of integrating your sexuality into your life and work. You can harness these powerful forces to productive ends. You can avoid passive aggression and dysfunctional sexual competitiveness which prevents authenticity. And you can create authentic brotherhood with other men as a cornerstone of strong and supportive communities.
And importantly, you can avoid becoming a grey, stuffy and inauthentic stiff, who is disconnected to his life force. Instead you keep your authenticity, creative energy and passion focused to solve the greatest challenges in work and life for yourself, for the benefit of those around you and for the world.